


Conversations at a nursery window

by Wapwani



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, Friendship that could be more, don't go in expecting happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 07:18:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14159628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wapwani/pseuds/Wapwani
Summary: Emma and Regina talk about her infertility.





	Conversations at a nursery window

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently decided to move some of the bits and pieces I've written on tumblr over here. This one will stay a one shot I think.

Emma paused in her stride up the hospital corridor. She had spotted her quarry.

She shuffled carefully up to Regina; she kept her hands in her back pockets, her shoulders hunched inside her jacket, in an unconscious effort to make herself smaller and less threatening.

Regina shifted a little, making the tiniest of turns towards Emma. It was the only acknowledgement the Sheriff got that her presence had been noted.

“Hey,” Emma said softly.

Regina’s response was a soft sigh. She rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“What is it now, Emma? Another crisis?”

“Oh. No. No. I was…sort of..in the neighbourhood. Noticed you here. Thought I’d come over. Say hi. See if you want to get a coffee. Or something.”

Regina turned further towards Emma so she could fix her with a glare.

“Really?”

Emma held her hands up in defeat. “Okay. Okay. Not my best work.”

She moved closer so she was standing shoulder to shoulder with Regina. They were facing the big nursery window together now, both looking at the bassinets and babies on the other side of the glass.

“What’s going on, Emma?”

“Nothing. Nothing. Just…well…a few people have been..well-“

“Have you been getting complaints? That the Evil Queen is out hovering over the newborns. That she’s stalking babies?”

“What? No! Honestly. It’s nothing like that.”

“Then why is the Sheriff here to check up on me, Emma?”

“Ok. Fine. Yes. People have noticed you over the last few days - standing here during visiting hours. And I have received a few calls-“

Regina snarled, and Emma hastened to finish her sentence before the Mayor could say or do anything too incendiary.

“They think you look unhappy and they’re worried that something is wrong. Making you sad. They were concerned  _for_  you. Not about you.”

Regina’s anger dissipated into a confused frown.

“And they called the Sheriff because-“

“They called your  _friend._  To see if I was checking on you. To see if I knew whether you were okay or not.”

“That is no one’s business. And frankly, it’s not yours either.”

“Regina,” Emma said softly, trying to get to the pain that she suspected was behind Regina going into attack mode. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t need saving, Emma.”

“Ok. But..do you need to talk?”

Regina groaned. “I’ve had stones in my shoes less irritating than you. And easier to get rid of!”

Emma grinned. She knew progress when she heard it.

“The sooner you tell me, the sooner I’ll leave you to…whatever this is.” She waved her hands in a hesitant motion towards the sleeping babies.

“Time doesn’t work the same here as in the Enchanted Forest,” Regina said. She held up a hand to stop Emma’s confused protest. “I’m getting to it.” She took a deep breath.

“You don’t know this. But I can’t have children. I took a potion that makes it impossible.”

“Oh.”

“My mother - she was using me, setting me up to secure her future through my offspring. I was tired of being her puppet. And I wasn’t going to let any child of mine  _ever_  be her pawn. So I took that power away from her.”

“By taking away your ability to bear children?”

“There was no other choice I could make. It was the last thing that was left in my control.”

Emma stared at the babies again.

“Do you want more children, Regina? Is that why-“

“No. I don’t - Emma, if I wanted another child, I’d adopt again. That’s not what this is about.”

“Then why?”

“I told you. Time doesn’t work the same here. I’m never sure exactly what day it was, that I drank the potion. I’ve narrowed it down to this week - but not the actual day.”

“You’re here to mark an anniversary? Seems a bit of an odd way to do it.”

Regina smiled grimly, her eyes stayed cold.

“As soon as I drank it, I  _felt_  it in my body. This pain. Here.” She pressed a fist low to her belly. “And here.” Her fist moved to between her breasts.

Her voice grew suddenly fierce.

“It was the only choice I could make in the moment. For me. For the good of any unborn children. And I will  _not_  regret that decision. But…I won’t deny it hurt. And I never did have a chance to talk to my mother about it. I wonder sometimes, if she blamed herself at the end. If she worried about me.” She gave a mirthless laugh. “Like the people who called you.”

“Do you? Blame her?”

Regina frowned.

“No, Emma. Blaming her will give the power back to her. I chose. And to be honest, I’d do it again.”

She turned back to the window, placed a hand on the glass, and went back to watching the infants.

Emma could not stop watching Regina. There was something both terrible and wonderful about her in this moment. She looked like one of those old statues, carved out of smooth marble; imperious, aloof, untouchable.  Emma had seen Regina’s iron will countless times before this. Seen the woman leap feet first into action, with no doubts, no questions, no looking back. When Regina chose, she  _chose_ , damn the consequences _._

She only rarely got to see Regina acknowledge the toll making those decisions took on her.

She suspected others got to see this side of her friend even less.

Emma touched Regina’s arm lightly.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Regina glanced at her; her cold look thawed a little and she smiled, a small but genuine smile.

“Thank you, Emma. No. I’m fine. I just wanted to…see. To remember.”

“And you’re okay?”

Regina nodded. “Nothing’s changed,” she said.

“Ok. I’ll leave you to it then. But, you’ll let me know. If..if…”

“If I need to talk again,” Regina finished the thought for her.

“Yeah.”

Emma turned and strode away, like she was escaping something.  

 

***

 

Emma lay in her bed, tossing and turning. She could not stop thinking about Regina’s face. Or her voice. How fiercely she had claimed her fate. How she had owned her choices.

Emma was trying to remember the last time she had chosen.

It felt like all those moments revolved around Regina.

She’d chosen to be her friend. Chosen to save her. Chosen to help her. Chosen to raise a child with her. Chosen to link their lives together in all kinds of ways.

In the hospital earlier, when she’d said to Regina ‘you’ll let me know if’ - she had stammered not because she couldn’t think of what she wanted to say next, but because the thought in her head had been ‘You’ll let me know if you do want to have another child’.

Because if that’s what Regina was thinking, then Emma wanted to be the one to give her what she wanted. It didn’t matter how. She’d find a way.

Emma groaned and rolled out of bed. She pulled on her jeans and shirt and boots, clipped her badge in an obvious place, and went out to warm the Bug up.

It was late when she got to the hospital, but no one was going to challenge Storybrooke’s sheriff or princess.

She stopped outside the nursery window.

It was dark inside the room, but the monitors gave off enough of a glow that she could just make out the sleeping shapes, safe in their cradles.

She leaned her forehead against the glass and heaved a sigh.

There was a quiet cough behind her, hesitant and polite. She turned and saw the nurse –  someone who she recognised. One of those concerned calls about Regina had come from this woman.

“Sheriff?” the woman said. “Is everything all right?”

Emma smiled grimly, her eyes staying cold.

“I’m fine.”

As the nurse turned to leave her, Emma added,

“Do  _not_  call the Mayor.”


End file.
